After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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