Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
