Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
