I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
