oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
