You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
