I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
