The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
