i barfeds in our rink
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
