she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
