just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
