i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize