Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
