you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
