so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
