Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
