All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
