I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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