I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
