ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
