spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
