So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize