Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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