I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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