My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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