I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
