My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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