I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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