Got a toothbrush?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
