people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize