So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
