we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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