im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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