I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
