I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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