I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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