hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
40s are totally the cure
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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