i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
