I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
