Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
