you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
