I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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