You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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