Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
