When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
