so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
