none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
