ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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