So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
