and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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