mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he shaved USA in his pubs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
