so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Still dying that you shit outside
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are a genius and a whore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
