just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
