I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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