Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
