can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize