I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
