everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
