I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
