You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
