I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
