Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
