Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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