he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
