Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
