Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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