btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
