i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
