This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
