so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
