Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
