Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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