You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
