you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
