so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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