i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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