So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
