so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize