Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
