i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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