whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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