i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Who did Billy Mays play for?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
