Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
