I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
