If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
