the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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