im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize