just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
