hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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