Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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