You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
