There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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