I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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