uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize