Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
